Art Whore

Art Talk – ‘The Schmucklord’

Schmucklord - head shot

All art movements have masters, the Plop Art Movement’s master is ‘The Schmucklord’.

According to The Schmucklord, “Plop Art is art that is intentionally shit, it’s just shit.”

(Picture below of Dungmy Assmaster by ‘The Schmucklord’)

Dungmy Assmaster

The Schmucklord, it must be known, has a nemesis and creative foil; Pop-Art mastermind The Sucklord. Indeed Schmuck’s very artistic drive results from an internal desire to one day hate fuck Morgan Phillips AKA The Sucklord.

Thankfully though Schmuck has recently been through some therapy and is getting in touch with his inner child (who happens to be a 5 year old girl called Nina), as well as his issues towards Morgan. He is back making ‘art’ as a result – though still mainly resulting in artistic attacks on his nemesis and secret crush and other artists from the scene.

Why does The Schmucklord hate The Sucklord? What unique use exactly does he find for his bowel movements? What is “plop art”? Who is The Schmucklord?

Find out, by reading The Schmucklord’s Art Talk, below…

Basics/Getting to Know

City, State n Country you’re Repping?

Repping? Are you a Gangsta rapper? I’m at where your mother went.

(Picture below of The Schmucklord holding one of his ‘creations’)

Schmucklord - head shot with toy

Describe a memory from three stages of yr life ….basically trying to piece together ‘The Schmucklord’s pivotal moments. Concerts, art, action-figures, women, school, college… ANYTHING man.

* age 10 – pre pubes:

Circumcision, Star Wars, BMX.

* age 15 – pube rage:

Drink, recreational drugs, sex, Hip Hop and Graffiti.

* age 20 – acceptance of pubes:

River Dance, marzipan and nose hair.

(Picture below of The Schmucklord 66 by Schmuckadelic, The Schmucklord’s art brand)

Schmucklord 66

Personal motto/quote?

You fucking cunt.

Favorite band(s)?

Rubber, head, gastric and cock.

Favorite sport(s) + teams?

Extreme Non-protected Step Walking.
The Ohio Bald Benjamin Buttons.

Favorite movie(s)?

Mystic Pizza.
Cum Dumpsters #10.

Favorite books and comics?

Hustler (favorite non fiction), The Bible (favorite fiction).

General Questions

Why on EARTH are you a fan of ‘The Rubberbandits’… I mean an Irish comedy Hip Hop group? Come on…

Madeira cake and Tesco carrier bags biatch!

What does poo mean to you?

I invented wiping your ass on shit house walls, the practice that inspired my cousins (The Red Hot Chilli Peppers) for the title ‘Physical Graffiti’.

Please explain for those at home your infatuation with the number 12. Is it a reference to your mental age or something far more sinister?

My crew, The Army of the Twelve Donkeys.
I also once walked down 12 steps in Sweden wearing no safety equipment, except a condom.

(Picture below of some crappy as all hell Schmucklord art)

Schmucklord - art

You have mentioned your day job as a uhhh shall we say street-walking-man-of-the-night. Any good tales to share?

I’m a public sexual performance artist for the ladies.
I masturbate violently with sandpaper and throw up into my shoes for money in dark alleys.
I also work in Gregg’s in Cardiff.

‘The Schmucklord’ Art Questions

You have spoken of your respect and membership of the “Plop Art” movement. Please explain this movement for those at home…

Plop Art is art that is intentionally shit, it’s just shit.

Worst aspect of the contemporary art-hustle?

Making art.

Best aspect of the contemporary art-hustle?

Pissing people off.

Do you consider what you are making to be ‘art’, ‘design’, re-hashed crap?

Fine art.

When and why did you first start making ‘art’ (toys, drawings, paintings, anything)?

I painted with potatoes as part of my therapy.

(Picture below of one of The Schmucklord’s attempts at a meme)

Schmucklord - meme

Any formal art training? Or pivotal moment/influence?


Why + when did you decide to go in on the art hustle?

I haven’t yet and I don’t think I can be bothered.

Describe the method of making a ‘Schmucklord’ piece? (dot point all o.k.)

I find something I think is shit and that I hate and I make an even worse version of it to, say that it’s fucking terrible.

(Picture below of The Schmuckadelic Shit House, The Schmucklord’s not so secret lair)

Schmuckadelic Shit House

Toy Questions

What are your thoughts on ‘The Sucklord’, and his role in the art-toy scene? (I ask as he is the ‘ur’ toy-bootlegger and your nemesis)

He stole my name, removed the letters c, h and m, and passed it off as his idea.
He’s a wack motherfucker and he’s bout 70 years old.

Is the rise of ‘art’ toys an indication of the changing nature of ‘art’? OR just a bunch of nerds with too much $$$ and time?

It’s retarded.

(Picture below of Dumbme by The Schmucklord )


What are your thoughts on the current rise of mass-production in the resin-art world, and the move away from hand made pieces? The 2012 Designer Con Suck-con figures as an example…

I don’t care about any of this shit.

Do you think once an artist has re-used a piece of pop-culture, it becomes harem for another artist to use it/spoof too? …I am thinking of ‘The Sucklord’ + ‘Boba Fett’; ‘The Mark Ultra’ + the hangman mask head, yourself and poo; etc.

This question is too long, I didn’t want to read it all.

Favorite toy/figure? (I’ll allow self promotion)

Flesh Light.

(Picture below of ‘The Fleshlight’, Schmucklord’s most loved…. toy)


What does your wife/girl/woman/family make of the whole perpetual adolescence/Peter Pan/man-child aspect of toy art + toy collecting?

They think I’m a dick who needs to grow up and work in an office with a shirt on.
They just want me to have the opportunities to be as miserable as they are.

The Future

Any collaborations on the horizon?

No, I hate working with other people.

Any major projects you want to hype man?

The Super Crooked Art Moves (S.C.A.M) raffle is starting as soon as I can sober up and get myself dressed.
You can go against your better judgment get involved at my facebook.

(Pictures below of the Han in Shit by The Schmucklord – the prize in his current S.C.A.M raffle)




Schmucklord - banner logo

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